Thursday, October 20, 2016

Board Game Nerd Alert! - Nerd Alert! - Nerd Alert!

Board Game Nerd Alert! - Nerd Alert! - Nerd Alert!

I'll get you suckers!
The real story starts here. Way back in the darkest corners of my mind and the darkest corners of my dingy basement too.

When I opened my long forgotten idea box I expected heavenly angels to sing and those Italian opera ladies in the Shawshank Redemption to blow me away with a mighty rendition of The Marriage of Figaro?

Scratch the vinyl right here folks! All I got was a chorus of rats that had gnawed everything inside to kingdom come.

What was I thinking? Steel vaults are the only sure thing against mangy rats. But the genesis of this story is much more sinister than that.

It all started when I met my first wife. And yes, that's how it all came crashing down in Florida 10 years later. Somehow I've survived.

"Something good has to come of this, I thought."

This was not the plan. But it's all I've got so I have to run with it. I'll spare you the fascinating details. Well, sort of because that's where ToughLove! comes in and takes over where my unfortunate marriage left off.

So I took all the lessons and all the hate, and all the contempt and even some of the forgiveness (tear drop) I could muster and I boxed it in the form of this whacky new board game.

Really? Is that what it takes to finally find my mojo and get my life together? Uh, no, but it sure feels that way. What else do I have to show for it? Other than nothing at all. Except for my improving health. Thank you for the heart attacks my good Lord.

Okay, this is supposed to be funny. That's the point so I'll try my best to keep it that way. Three nervous breakdowns and two heart attacks later and I'm still here. Now that's a miracle to sing about. (Get a clue dumb-ass. This is real life. What did you expect the life of Caligula?)

Uh, yeah but I fell a little short. Right. Haven't we all? Get over it. (Didn't your daddy...!)

The Bottom of the box. (So far)
Okay... deep cleansing breath... flashbacks from Full Metal Jacket scene... count...1...2...3.

Where was I?

Oh, right. That reminds me I'm also thinking about a  military themed game.

Still tinkering out the kinks for the concept but I think it's going to work. Bare with me. I'm supposed to be working on it now but I decided to take a few minutes out of my 18 hour day to get something off my chest. Gotta mix it up a bit or go crazy, you know.

O...kay, I've enlarged this box so you can read the cards. I'm only about a third of the way with the deck. It's really the easiest part of the whole process for me but it does take some time. No rush. I'm only 10 years behind the times. Well, most of the time I'm ahead of the curve, which can be a double-edged sword, if you know what I mean. Timing is everything. And that's a cliché you can believe in when it comes to marketing.

"Everybody wants something for something."

Okay, marketing, that's a whole "nother" book right there. I won't unpack that right now but I've got volumes to say about that for another time. I just wanted to jot down a few ideas and get this blog rolling. I can't even put ads on here for another 6 months. What a gyp!

Right. Hard-knocks rule #1:

You gotta prove yourself first. Got it. There are no shortcuts. Well, there are some shortcuts but only so many. You always have to pay the piper. In this case, Blogger.

I've taught this to my kids religiously. There's only one thing you have to know about life. Everybody wants something for something. (I know, I know. Who's Who won't feature me with that one.) There is no free lunch. Well, again, there are free lunches out there but they're horrible and you wouldn't feed them to your dog.

Okay, enough nonsense and negative talk. Let me channel my worse half and practice positivity for a change. (Good heavens.)

Let me tip-toe through the tulips for a nanosecond.

Now let's get on with the real show. Let's bang out the meanest and most derelict board game ever devised in the history of all board games. Well, kinda. It's a lot like screenwriting. No one really knows what's going to turn into a big hit. That's what they say but I'm betting Michael Bay knows exactly how to write a hit just about every time.

Okay, meanwhile, I've got to get to designing my other games. And I'd like to see what you have in mind. Don't be shy. Our secrets are safe here. You're welcome to promote your games on this blog and if I like your game I'll be happy to feature it and write about it.

 There's a method to all this madness and that's what I've got to put down here. One blog post at a time. Totally off the cuff. I don't write any other way. If I planned these posts they'd never get done.

It's all in good fun, folks. We're not trying to find a cure for cancer. Just trying to capitalize on trends and make a buck or two. That's still the American way.


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